ham for the holidays

This Christmas had a couple of things missing. No tree. No family. No wild mushrooms. This last was perhaps the most frustrating as the wild mushroom risotto was the only dish agreed upon for the holiday menu and domesticated mushroom risotto just isn't the same.

My older sister, taking pity on these challenges sent Robert and I a ham for Christmas. This was quite welcome and helped ease the disappointment of the domesticated mushroom risotto. Unfortunately, this gift became a bone of contention to my mother, who was also alone.

"Lissy sent me a ham for Christmas," I tell my mother on the phone.
"Lissy sent you a ham?!" she said, "How come she sent you a ham? She didn't send me a ham."
"Uh, did you want a ham?" I asked, "I thought you and Dad don't like ham."
"No, No," she said, "I don't want one."
"Uh, I'll send you a ham," I said, "We can all chip in and get you the ham and cheesecake combo."
"No, don't send me anything," she says, "Don't waste your money."
"We'll send you a ham," I said, "the best one in the catalogue."
"Don't send me anything," she said, "If you do, I'll throw it in the garbage."

Now this kind of crazy-talk does not come often from my mother. I guess your common sense also goes missing when you are missing your family for the holidays.