Saturday, December 17, 2005

a moment of melancholy

This year we're not going to put up the Christmas tree. It's been too crazy, too busy. The house is a disaster, snowflakes and packing material litter every surface and my work which has been long ignored is finally demanding attention. And I am tired. Tired of responsibilites and of worries. Tired of trying to please people, making (and breaking) deadlines, and meeting my own expectations.

And it's this weariness that leads me to a moment of melancholy. In the joyful holiday time that surrounds me, as friends and family rush to exotic locales and plentiful parties, I feel like a lone stone in a pool of swirling water--unmoveable and weighted down in the fluidity of life.

Perhaps it is like postpartum depression, the inevitable result of the snowflake euphoria. Perhaps it is just the grind of Robert's health, his mood swings and chemo irritations affecting my state of being. Or perhaps it is just the holidays, a time of cheer which depresses the cheerless.

Regardless, I hope it is a passing moment. One that some chocolate cake and ice cream will make pass quicker.

7 Comments:

Blogger alvina said...

I hate that feeling--and yes, don't worry, "this, too, shall pass." You need the lows to have the highs. Unfortunately.

Cupcakes!

10:02 AM  
Blogger edmaggie said...

Grace, don't lose heart. Those of us who came to know you through Robert's Snow were inspired by your story, impressed by your passion, and charmed by the kind of individual you are--personable, bubbly, sweet, and sincere.

Robert's Snow has been your life these past two years. It consumed most of your time. Now there may seem to be a void...an emptiness. This will pass. In time, I think you will look back with pride on your accomplishments and see how many people you touched. Then you'll smile again!

7:03 AM  
Blogger Teresa said...

The small pleasures (such as chocolate cake and ice cream) are ones that sure help us face life's challenges. Although my life's challenge frequently involves keeping those sweet pleasures to small portions.

I'm sending good cheer-filled thoughts your way.

9:34 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Grace,
As a cancer survivor, and a newbie illustrator, I thank you for your work with Dana Farber!
You have such a big heart. My wish is that all the good and love that you have given, comes back to you hundreds of times over!
Blessings to you and Robert. You are in my prayers.
Laura

10:32 AM  
Blogger Grace Lin said...

gee, thanks all for your kind responses. I'm touched that so many of you actually read this blog...and care. I've eaten mucho chocolate and feel much better, though a bit fatter...

10:27 PM  
Blogger Mary Porcher said...

Grace, I hope that there will be a few sweet, hope-filled surprises for you and Robert this Christmas.

10:57 AM  
Blogger Dan Santat said...

Grace, keep our chin up and i wish you and Robert a wonderful holiday season and a better 2006.

8:30 PM  

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