Wednesday, November 23, 2005

back on the west coast

As soon as I returned from my trip from Philadelphia, I raced though the week of a TV interview, 3 school visits, and one speech to get to a Friday 8 AM flight to visit sunny LA. This trip had been the target of the month for me, as it's a trip Robert is accompanying me on. It's his first airplane trip since relapsing a 3rd time, his first trip out of the northeast for a year. He's been eager and excited to see the west coast, get a change of scenery and out of the cold.

But I have had my hesitations. Los Angeles, Santa Monica--it's a place of bittersweet memories...perhaps more bitter than sweet. We had lived there once upon a time for a short span of 4 months, right after our marriage. We had our future mapped out in the sand. Robert was going to work for Frank Gehry, we'd bike on the beach, live in our white shiny apartment and dream of a future full of palm trees and sunny skies.

However, our move there was a disaster. It was there our wedding gifts were destroyed by the movers, Robert was layed off and then diagnosed with cancer. When I packed up our apartment without him, the bright sun seemed to mock me.

So it was with some misgivings, that we returned. But our return became a watershed moment. Somehow, we let go of the old baggage. Even though our days had events (snowflake showing at Storyopolis, book reading at FCC-SoCal) we were able to snatch enough time away to do the things we didn't have a chance to before. And enjoy it.

I don't know what our future holds. At times, I look at the past years and feel like it is an ocean wave trying to drown us. But we're still swimming. And who knows, maybe we'll make it to the beach yet. Sometimes, like these past couple of days, I can almost see the pina coladas waiting for us.


Blogger Laura said...

Grace, great post!

6:46 AM  
Blogger Mary Porcher said...

Most of the time, it just doesn't make sense. But dancing in the middle of it, creating good in it...doesn't it feel wonderful?

9:56 PM  

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